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Question: My husband and I are frequent Shabbos guests at our children’s homes nearby (we eat the meal with them and return to our home after the meal). Where should I light Shabbos candles – in my home or in theirs?
Name Withheld
Synopsis: Last week we cited the view of Rabbi Sternbuch, who held that if it is equally possible for the wife to light the Sabbath candles in the home where she will eat or where she will sleep, it is preferable to light them where she will eat, as in that manner the lighting is for the purpose of honoring the Sabbath. Notwithstanding this preference, a woman who is eating elsewhere may light the Sabbath candles at home, where she will sleep. Addressing the question of the blessing over the Sabbath candles, Rabbi Sternbuch suggests that the electric lights [in the bedroom] be turned off and immediately turned on again before the blessing is recited, since the main purpose of the light is to prevent stumbling in the dark. There is less of a problem with reciting the blessing when adding candles in the place where they will eat, for ribui nerot (adding lights) enhances the honor of the Sabbath.
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Answer: We now cite the view of Rabbi Moshe Stern, zt”l, Debrecener Rav (Responsa Ba’er Moshe Vol. 8:68). Rabbi Stern has written extensively on this matter, but we cite this particular responsum, as it is his last published comment on this subject.
Whereas Rabbi Sternbuch seems to consider the place where one lights the Sabbath candles a matter of choice, with lighting where one eats being preferable, Rabbi Stern takes a different approach.
“I answered [regarding this question] that the woman should light the Sabbath candles in her house, albeit only if she is able to light longer [lasting] candles that would remain lit after they return from their parents’ home [where they were to eat], and then eat fruit or mezonot [cake] with tea or coffee at the light of the candles; otherwise the blessing [she uttered when she lit] would be a blessing in vain. This is the proper way and all other ways are only a solution as a last resort, ‘she’at ha’dechak.’
“If she did not have longer lasting candles, and yet lit the Sabbath candles in her home, she should not leave her home immediately to go to her parents’ or her in-laws’ home. Rather, she should wait until it gets dark and then offer some prayers by the light of the candles, in order that she derive benefit from them.
“In the event she is unable to wait and must leave immediately to her parents’ or in-laws’ home, her husband should return to their house after Maariv and derive some benefit from the candles [so that the blessing she uttered should not have been in vain].”
Rabbi Stern now quotes from an earlier responsum of his, related to our question (Ba’er Moshe Vol. 6, Kunteres Electric 59:6): “Even though reciting the blessing of Lehadlik ner shel Shabbat over electric light might possibly be considered a blessing in vain (safek beracha levatala), and they doubt whether the candles will still be burning when they return home, they should do as follows: Before she lights the candles, the electric lights should be turned off and she should light her candles. Then the husband should turn the electric lights back on, keeping in mind that he is doing so for the purpose of kindling lights in honor of the Sabbath. Thus, when they return [no matter how late], a candle, i.e., an electric light, is on in honor of the Sabbath.
“I always ruled in answer to any who came to me that the wife should not kindle the Sabbath candles in their house until the electric lights have been extinguished. Then, when it is [sufficiently] dark in the house, she should light the Sabbath candles, and before she utters the blessing, the husband or even she herself should turn the electric lights back on, and then she should recite the blessing.”
“However,” notes Rabbi Stern, “after much thought on this matter I have come to the conclusion regarding our question that in such a situation one should use tall candles that will burn until they return home. Upon returning home they should [as we noted above] eat fruit or cake and drink tea or coffee by the light of the candles. If this is not possible, then she lights candles with a blessing in the home of her parents or in-laws. However, before they leave the house they should turn off the electric lights and turn them on again in honor of the Sabbath. The husband should light two candles, without a blessing, in honor of the Sabbath.” [Rabbi Stern did mention in an earlier responsum (Vol. 6:64) that she should have in mind not to fulfill her obligation through the blessing of her mother or mother-in-law, lest her own blessing be in vain.]
Rabbi Stern adds that according to what we read in the Mishna Berura (Orach Chayyim 527:55), the candles must belong to the woman [or man] who kindles them. Thus, it is important that the young couple take along their own candles or make a kinyan by acquiring from their father or mother, in one of the accepted manners of purchase, the candles to be used [in the parents’ home] before lighting them. Alternatively, the father or mother should state clearly, ‘I am giving this to you as a present, a matana gemura.’”
Rabbi Stern concludes: “Even though this is a novel approach, it is proper to implement these procedures with great meticulousness for the sake of this very important mitzvah.”
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