How To Find Consolation This Year

This Difficult Year

Typically, we identify with Shabbat Nachamu more than with Tisha B’Av. Most of us have lived comfortable and secure lives devoid of the attacks faced by our ancestors. When the Three Weeks and Tisha B’Av arrived in past years, we needed to work hard to appreciate the significance of the lack of a Beit HaMikdash.

This year is different. The horrors of the past months have reconnected us with the terrible suffering Jews experienced for thousands of years, most recently during the Holocaust. Tisha B’Av mourning should be easier to connect with this year. But consolation will be harder to feel.

How can we find consolation when over 1,500 Israelis have lost their lives, thousands more are wounded, and over one hundred are still being held hostage?

Nechama Built In

Nechama (consolation) is a fundamental part of how Judaism relates to suffering. Inspired by the tradition that Moshiach was born on Tisha B’Av (Bamidbar Rabbah 13:5), we include nechama even on that day – from midday.

After the intense mourning of the evening and morning, the mourning lightens in the afternoon, as we don tefillin, sit on chairs, prepare food, and greet each other. The period after midday is considered a time of consolation (Meiri, Taanit 30b). The inclusion of such a period on Tisha B’Av itself reminds us that even amidst suffering, nechama is critical.

Though nechama is central to Tisha B’Av, it is hard to find and feel. One who truly appreciates the significance of the Beit HaMikdash finds consolation hard to come by every year. This year, we all feel this way.

Chazal encourage us to find nechama in three ways: focusing on the future, appreciating the present good, and recognizing the good even within the bad. Focusing on the future means maintaining optimism about the Jewish future. Appreciating the present good involves acknowledging the blessings we currently enjoy. Recognizing the good within the bad means understanding that suffering can also be a source of growth and learning.

Focusing on Future Good

Rebbe Akiva taught us to focus on the future. Unlike Rabban Gamliel, Rebbe Yehoshua and Rebbe Elazar ben Azariah, who cried when they saw the Beit HaMikdash in ruins and foxes walking upon Har HaBayit, Rebbe Akiva laughed. His colleagues focused on the suffering; Rebbe Akiva consoled them by using the suffering to reinforce faith in future successes.

He explained that the Nevi’im predicted both our suffering and our eventual redemption. Just as their prophecies of doom had materialized, so would their prophecies of redemption (Makot 24b). Where others saw present suffering, Rebbe Akiva saw a positive future. Instead of mourning, he celebrated the impending redemption.

Today’s extreme, irrational antisemitism is also a realization of prophecies (Devarim 28:68 and Yechezkel 20:33). There is no rational, natural explanation for the degree to which we are hated and the double standards applied to us. Like Rebbe Akiva, we should see our suffering as a prophetic realization, strengthening our faith in future positive prophecies.

Appreciating the Present Good

Our consolation should also reflect our appreciation of the good we enjoy in the present. Though we are experiencing difficult circumstances, we should remember that Hashem has also blessed us with so much good in our personal and national lives.

We have the great privilege of living in the era of Jewish return to and development in Eretz Yisrael. Though attacked, we can now defend ourselves, no longer helpless under foreign rule.

We are living the fulfillment of tens of prophecies, including the one that Rebbe Akiva used to console his colleagues: “Old men and women will once again sit in the streets of Yerushalayim… and the city streets will be full of children playing (Zechariah 8:4-5).” Rebbe Akiva could only find consolation in the future. We should be able to find it in the present as well.

People tend to focus on the negative aspects of life. By focusing on these blessings, we can find comfort even while suffering.

Recognizing the Good Within the Bad

Suffering itself can also be a source of consolation.

The Tanna Nachum Ish GamZu asserted that negative experiences are “gam zu l’tovah – also for the good (Ta’anit 21a).” Nachum’s first name (which means “consolation”) may have been rooted in his last one – GamZu. His belief that everything is for the good consoled him at times of suffering.

Dovid HaMelech expressed a similar sentiment when he described himself as being consoled by Hashem’s staff (Tehillim 23:4). Though Hashem, like a shepherd, sometimes uses His “staff” to punish us, we are comforted by the care He shows us.

Hashem, like a caring father, disciplines us more thoroughly than other nations (Amos 3:2). Our suffering serves as Divine guidance, steering us toward improvement (Devarim 8:5). This is the significance of the occurrence of the churban in the month of Av. Though the month brought terrible suffering and is an inauspicious time for us, we should be consoled by the knowledge that it is our “Av” (father), who we know has our best interests in mind, who is behind it all.

Nachum Margolios, like his namesake Nachum Ish GamZu, appreciated this. Nachum was known for always having a smile on his face, though his life was far from easy. He and his wife had only two daughters, and both were killed in an accident. To everyone’s surprise, even during shiva, Reb Nachum continued to appear in good spirits, with a smile on his face. Some of his friends asked how he was able to maintain his happiness immediately after both of his children were killed.

He answered them, “Let me explain with an analogy. What happens if you feel a painful slap? If you turn around and see that it is a stranger who hit you, you are upset at the person and rightfully complain about what he has done to you. But if you turn around and see that it is a close friend, you immediately realize that it is a slap of love and you embrace your friend with compassion and happiness.

So what can I say? I felt a massive slap of pain, but when I turned around, I saw Hashem behind me, and I know that He loves me. That is how I can continue to rejoice even now, despite my tremendous pain.”

Suffering may be painful, but when we realize that Hashem is behind it, the month truly becomes Menachem Av.

May appreciating the good in our national and personal lives reinforce our belief in our future and help us understand that Hashem is behind the suffering meant to help us improve. May these realizations console us and inspire us to respond to our suffering by improving ourselves, meriting Hashem’s continued berachot.