Greet Everyone

Avot 4:15

Rabbi Yannai said: It is not in our hands [to explain the reason for] either the security of the wicked or even of the afflictions of the righteous. Rabbi Mathia ben Harash said: Upon meeting people, be the first to extend greetings; and be a tail unto lions, and not a head unto foxes.

The challenging questions of why bad things happen to good people and why good things happen to bad people have plagued prophets, sages, philosophers, and theologians for millennia. If G-d is all-powerful and all-good, how can He allow unjust things to occur? The first lesson in this mishna, attributed to Rabbi Yannai, relates to these difficulties. The latter statement, quoted in the name of Rabbi Mathia ben Harash, is at first glance altogether irrelevant to the former. Yet the commentaries creatively – and inspirationally – link the two together.

Several answers defending G-d, known as theodicies, have been presented in Jewish thought. Some philosophers contend that theodicies can border on unethical if they falsely accuse the person who is suffering. This would align with G-d’s critique of Job’s friends’ attempts to explain Job’s suffering. Rabbi Yannai similarly argues that “It is not in our hands,” metaphorically shrugging his shoulders. We are unable to explain or to understand this conundrum.

Rabbi Yannai was likely aware of explanations from other Talmudic Sages who tried to explain these problems. Later commentaries on this mishna even suggest some of these justifications. One possibility is that things will work out in the next world. Another is that maybe the person isn’t as righteous as he or she seems. Rabbi Yannai’s approach, writes Nachmanides, aligns with Rabbi Meir, quoted in the Talmud (Berachot 7a). When Moses requested that G-d explain to him why bad things happen to good people, G-d did not grant him an answer. The other opinions in the Talmud suggest several justifications, including investigating the merits and deeds of ancestors to justify the suffering. Rabbi Meir and Rabbi Yannai would, for theological and moral reasons, not agree with such an approach. This connects, Rabbi Yosef ben Shoshan suggests, to the end of the previous mishna: “Do not rely on your own understanding.” With our limited human capacity for rational understanding, we cannot possibly fathom or understand G-d’s ways.

Rabbi Moses Almosnino connects the problem of theodicy with the subsequent statement in the mishna reported in the name of Rabbi Mathia ben Harash: “Upon meeting people, be the first to extend greetings.” Rabbi Almosnino suggests that while we cannot possibly satisfactorily answer the challenges of why bad things happen to good people, we can at least alleviate some of the challenge by proactively greeting everyone that we meet. This friendly and magnanimous act affords some level of comfort to distract our minds from theological conundrums.

Relatedly, Rabbi Matityahu HaYitzari connects this idea to the beginning of the previous mishna: “Exile yourself to a place of Torah.” While adapting to a foreign place is daunting, one strategy to quickly acclimate is by being friendly to everyone. While one would hope that the host environment would be welcoming, the message to the guest is to be affable and approachable. Greeting others helps build relationships and, according to Maharal, helps cultivate humility. Greeting every person demonstrates that we don’t think anybody is beneath us. Other commentaries focus on the expansiveness of the phrase “kol adam” – every person – arguing that this includes not just people who are theoretically on a lower social rung, but also non-Jews, sinners, and even enemies.

While being cordial to everyone is important, Rabbi Mathia ben Harash closes with advice as to who it is best to associate with over longer periods of time. It is better to be “a tail unto lions, and not a head unto foxes.” In the mid-1950s, psychologist Leon Festinger developed the social comparison theory. It is human nature to compare ourselves with other people. Sometimes we make downward social comparisons, judging ourselves based on people who are less developed than us in a certain domain. Other times we make upward social comparisons, relating our own abilities to those of people who are more advanced. Rabbi Mathia is promoting upward social comparisons. Being at the top may lead to complacency. Associating with people who are greater than us, explains Maimonides, pushes us to learn more, be inspired to grow, and strive for greatness.